


Rogue One is dead

by arabellas



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Grief, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arabellas/pseuds/arabellas
Summary: Should you scream? Should your heart shatter into a million pieces? Should you cry until your soul would leave your body? You kind of wish it did. You don’t know anything but you know that would be better than this.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Original Character(s), Cassian Andor/Reader





	Rogue One is dead

**Author's Note:**

> Personal notes at the end.

It was fucked. Every single part of this. Completely fucked. A harrowing reality you seemed to childishly mistake for a nightmare but kept being greeted with the gut wrenching pain of how very fucking real it is.

You’ve never known yourself as an emotional being and it seemed like your brain was struggling because of this. Your brain was scrambling for any way to formulate this whole situation into something you can comprehend. Should you scream? Should your heart shatter into a million pieces? Should you cry until your soul would leave your body? You kind of wish it did. You don’t know anything but you know that would be better than this. 

When you had heard the news, your chest caved in and you felt like you were going to throw up. Your throat almost closed off. You brain went blank. You pushed through the whole crowd and grabbed onto the battered rebel announcing it.

“No, wait, what do you mean?” You had his shoulders in both of your hands as you frantically spoke. You forced eye contact. You followed his eyes no matter how low he dropped them. He was exhausted and tired but you didn’t care. You were losing your breath. “What?” Daring him to repeat it. “Fucking tell me!”

“Rogue One is dead.” He blurted out loud as he annoyingly shook you off. “All of them. Every single fucking one.” 

You froze. There was nothing to say. Your brain went blank and immediately started looking for comfort and reassurance. Cassian was comfort and reassurance. He’s dead. You blinked rapidly as your brain went into overdrive. What does that even mean?

Hands started to slowly and gently grab your shoulder in an effort to comfort you. “No no no, don’t fucking touch me.” you objected rapidly and shook them off as you slowly backed away. You automatically made your way to your room. Your breathing was heavy.

His stuff was still there. That dent in the pillow was his. Those are his fucking slippers. You looked at the room you shared with him and you took it in and you almost passed out. “ No .. no.” You rushed to his bedside and touched his pillow. It felt surreal. It almost felt like you shouldn’t it. Like you’re in his space. The last space he occupied before he was gone. It shouldn’t be touched. It should be fucking framed. But you couldn’t help it. The lump in your throat threatening to leave a scar from how sharp it was. 

You threw your face into his pillow and wailed. This wasn’t happening to you. How could you go on? Your heart was split in half. Where was he now? Where had he gone? Does he sense you? He had done so much for you. How would you ever repay him now? There was so much you wanted to say to him. You can’t be alone now. You didn’t want anyone but Cassian. You were fucking angry at him. “How could you leave me?” How fucking dare he? 

You were so tired. It’s been hours. You’ve cried all the tears in the world and he still hasn’t come to comfort you. This time, he wasn’t going to fix this and make it all better. He was really gone. You were spent. You probably should sleep. Yes .. you might just do that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. It seems like whenever I do ever write or post it's about Cassian and it's about grief. Well, Rogue One remains to be my favorite Star Wars movie and Cassian remains to be my favorite SW and comfort character. Unfortunately, I lost my father in the very first week of 2021 to COVID-19. So you can imagine the state of grief I'm in. I'm a mess. I'm heartbroken and I'm not okay. So this fic is just an emotional dump for me. As bad as it is, writing it was hard. I wrote it in one go with no planning and now I'm hot, sleepy and tired. I didn't BETA or proof read this because I frankly don't want to read it. I'm not great at expressing myself and I could probably write this better but I don't want to or care to. Sorry for the format, if it looks hard to read and the god fucking awful lazy title lol.
> 
> Sorry for the rant lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this. <3


End file.
